20170415

when I get upset with you, i get even more upset with myself
really hate myself for feeling this way
miss the old me
the one with no feelings
no attachment
no nothing

really really hate you for making me turn out like this

time for bed

20170414

i was walking through random streets of taipei, as i would almost every week.
i like to walk when i feel wary. that's why i only run when i have too much on my mind, but i'm really too tired to run now.
i like to roam around streets that i'm not familiar with, wander around without any navigations. eat at any random eatery as and when i'm hungry, board the next bus that comes, shop alone and buy anything that makes me happy.

i don't know when i've became so immune to being so alone.

as i walk, i thought really hard.
i read through all my drafts that will never be published on cyber space.
i viewed all my images that i adore but will never show.
i ran through all the thoughts in my mind.
i filtered those that were not important.
i filtered none.
i tried to run across them.
but fatigue took over.
i couldn't move.
i wouldn't budge.
there isn't enough room.
but they made space.
they were really too heavy for me.
but i could never feel air.
i want to catch something, maybe catch a breath.
but everything collapsed.

i thought i'm in my dream city.
now i feel like running away.

no one would even know if i really do, anyway...